It's Official

We got the call yesterday, "you have been accepted to the Ethiopia adoption program." Is it too cliche to say surreal? I know I'm going to be making a lot of comparison's to pregnancy, so I'm just going to embrace it and move forward. Here goes- it's that feeling of excitement mixed with what was I thinking? I am not in any way ready or equipped to do this, but I sure can't wait! In some ways this is better, because there's plenty to do right off (not to mention no morning sickness!). Our intake coordinator immediately gave us instructions for getting a home study and sent emails with agreements to sign. We also get a pastor's discount on all agency fees, awesome. And wouldn't you know- with the discount our first agency fee is $1125, just $25 more than our anonymous donation! God knew, He knows, He is actively involved! Thank you God for anonymous, for using them to bless us. They share a special part of bringing home Your child. I cannot believe IT IS OFFICIAL!

And the country is......

Reality hit hard after that last post. I knew going into this we did not have the money to finance the adoption. I had spent A LOT of time stalking people's blogs who were going through the adoption process and gleaning ideas for fundraising. I have had a drawer full of agency brochures delineating the costs of adoption from each country for years, even before Ruby was born. When we decided which agency we wanted to use, we then spent weeks re-reading and staring at the guidelines for the countries we were most interested in. I thought I had it covered. We just could not make a final decision on which country to pursue. The first time I had felt a tug at my heart about adoption was in junior high when I learned that Chinese law dictates that each family only have one child. Families favored having boys, so many baby girls were left in orphanages, or just left. In college my roommate went to China one summer and brought me back brochures from orphanages she visited in China and shared in my excitement to do this someday. So, we decided to go with what my heart first desired. However, wait time for a baby girl from China could be more than five years. After more time praying we decided to go with the waiting child program, which places infants with minor to severe health problems and only takes up to two years. We decided we would start with minor, correctable problems. In goes our application. The call comes in, "China requires a family to have a net worth of $80,000." How did I miss this? But there it was in my brochure, plain as day. The intake coordinator asked us to fill out a more detailed financial summary, including our monthly budget, all assets, life insurance, retirement, debt, etc. I told her we would do this but explained I KNEW we did not have a net worth totalling this much (or even close!). I was not devastated by this, knowing we had prayed that God would lead us to the country HE wanted. This was part of HIS leading. We filled out the financial paperwork and it was humbling to say the least. To be laid bare financially. To question if they would think we spend too much on groceries, or entertainment, or clothing. I wanted to be defensive of how we have struggled to get out of debt and the ways in which the Lord provided for this. I wanted to lay out the whole story of that house in Kansas we owned for six years and all the while not living in it and going through seminary and beyond. But I knew that this did not matter to the country of China and that our agency had caring people reviewing our finances, but who had a job to do. I reminded myself that it was to HIS glory that our finances did not look a whole lot worse. This brought out a part of me I hate, I like to have money in my savings, the false feeling of security, the sense that I am prepared. And in this adoption process I know I have none of this. I have researched ways to raise money, but I know that ultimately they could all fail and God could use other ways to bring this about. Needless to say, no, we did not qualify for China. I am still letting go of those images of my family that are not to be right now. Maybe someday. Maybe someone reading will take my dream as their own. I pray so.

The other country we were interested in was Rwanda. In college and after is when it first started to come out that there would be a whole generation of orphans in Africa due to the AIDS crisis. I read a book on this very issue and felt that God may lead me to those orphans someday. As it turns out, the Rwandan adoption program is new and they are not yet allowing any families with any history of medical problems (Jason has had a few random problems that are either gone or under control now). But, Ethiopia looked like a better fit. In order to move forward with an application with the Ethiopia program they now wanted us to lay out our plans to raise the money to pay for the adoption. Back to the doubting. We have to raise support for Jason's job with RUF and with the current economy this has been difficult lately. Was this good timing? Would we be stretching ourselves too thin? It became especially busy for us and we took the time to re-evaluate, have lots of long conversations and prayers. Wavering. But we just couldn't let go. The timing does NOT make sense. Finally, yesterday we just looked at each other and said, "we just need to go ahead." I emailed the ideas I had for fundraising. "God, if this is not Your timing, just stop them from approving us." That night our RUF intern stopped by and said she had been given a gift to give us, but we weren't allowed to ask who it was from. It was to go towards our adoption. She handed me the envelope and I opened it to find-

I have never seen 11 one hundred dollar bills outside of my job at a bank a long time ago! And someone, somewhere was giving them to me, to this adoption! Talk about timing! Now we just have to be accepted.....