Fight

The past couple of weeks have shown little action in the actual work of our adoption, but a lot of spiritual action. I think this is my new normal- lots of hands on labor either in paperwork, fundraising, or both- then waiting for replies, for money, for results of some kind. It is in that waiting that I feel the spiritual work being done. After the yard sale, there was this sense of accomplishment in checking off the first step- we sent in our first adoption agency fee with paperwork AND the application and check to the home study agency. Now this wasn't just any 'ole application- it included written biographies, medical exams, fingerprints, notarized letters from our employers, and many other documents. It felt a little more real that not only was this adoption thing really happening, but God indeed was providing, which is an encouragement that we had not heard His call wrong. I knew it would happen, I am not some amateur Christ-follower. I had been given grace to obey His call before. I knew the exhilaration of feeling the Spirit at work in life to guide you, strengthen you, and go before you. I hope and pray you, reader, know what I am talking about. The mountain peaks of your faith. But, I am not yet perfected, and the valley's follow. I knew this would happen, I anticipated it through prayer. Is it the "Opposer" of this faith or is it my own flesh? I think it is both. And, yet, I also think that this valley is also the Spirit at work. While we are promised great reward and pleasure in this Christian life, we are also promised the not-so-fun times. Philippians 1:29 tells us we have been "granted" our belief in Christ and our sufferings for His sake. Thankfully, He does not leave us as we are, He helps us to grow, to be sanctified. I also hope you all know this to be true as well. While I do not wish the valleys on anyone, I hope you know the growth towards our Savior that He accomplishes during these times. It was all the usual things, really..... looking at the next payments due; trying to be a mom, wife, friend, employee; a hole in the upholstery of our couch and knowing the money isn't there for a new one; car tune-ups; eye doctor visits, and on and on. The seemingly small things become overwhelming suddenly. You feel isolated. Then my sin causes me to question- Really? Why are we being called to this? We already have to ask for money for Jason's ministry and the economy is not great, God! Don't you see how much is on my plate. Then, the real kick-you-while-you-are-down maneuvers of the accuser start- you really stink at this Christian life. This is not really suffering, you aren't being threatened for your life. Do you really think you can mother one more child? Everyone else is doing way better than you.

It seems silly to write it all out, really silly, embarrassing actually. But, I need this to be out there. I need to be sure we are clear- God is accomplishing this call. I don't want to be a blog that portrays some sort of perfection. Adoption is His idea, not mine. He originated the concept, He originated the desire in me. I need for the picture of this journey to be all inclusive, honest. And He has chosen to include me. Me, the one with the struggles, sin, and need. I want this, I want this child so badly. I want what God has started to be finished, in me, in my family. He has promised to do just that, in fact, He did finish it in Jesus. He is loving, good, merciful. And He has strengthened me to fight. For, yes, this is a war. I may not be fighting real persecution, but I fight the ideals of the world around me, I fight my sin, I fight for the protection of the truth of the gospel in my life, in my children's lives. Satan does not want the fatherless to come home to THE Father. That includes me, my family, my daughter somewhere in Ethiopia, you. While we fight, there is rest, peace. He has overcome, won, and called us His.

Right now, my fight looks like this- continuing in the "mundane" callings of my life like laundry, changing diapers, fighting my impatience, and maybe even something crazy like going to a movie! I am enjoying my kids, trying to stay cool, and going to work two days a week. I am tackling the mountain of new paperwork- more on that thing called a dossier later. Jason and I go for our first home study in a week- only a 2 1/2- 3 hour interview ("that's what she said"- our social worker, I mean).

I hope you are encouraged to fight, too.

"be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might." Ephesians 6:10