Why didn't anyone come for me?

The first weekend of October we had another yard sale. I was praying for the $830 we needed to send with some immigration paperwork that we would need to then send with the mountain of paperwork to Ethiopia (also with $7700). To be honest, as the days went by I just hoped for $500. We got lots of generous donations to sell and at the end of the day the Lord blessed us with a little over $900. Since then, I have learned the immigration fees have gone up and we need that amount to cover the new cost! Isn't God amazing like that! It was a gorgeous fall day, and since I had already done one of these I didn't feel as stressed, which was so nice!

I can't stop thinking about this young woman that was shopping at our sale. She was looking at our t-shirts and asked about what it meant. When I explained to her that this sale was a fundraiser for our adoption she went on to ask, "Why are you adopting from Ethiopia when there are so many kids without homes here in the states? I am not trying to be nosey, it's just that I grew up in the foster care system." My heart sank. This isn't the first time I've had this question posed to me, in fact, at the last yard sale we had a couple tell us just how much they disagreed with international adoption when there are orphans here in the states. Yet, honestly, it was easy to write them off after hearing them demean the birth mom of their child because she went and got "knocked up" again and they guessed they were going to adopt that baby too! Yeah, I know, don't get me started....

But this girl hurt my heart. I had nothing to say but knew nothing trite would quite hit on her real question- "why didn't anyone come for me?" I tried to be as honest as I could- I've always known I would adopt and for whatever reason God impressed on me early two countries, China and Africa. I told her I ached for the needs of orphans everywhere, this is just how I was led. She was very kind and said she could not afford a t-shirt, but handed me a couple of dollars. I was pulled away by some other shoppers and didn't see her again.

I have been hesitant to write much on this blog on the need of orphans, the need for people to consider adoption. I don't want to become an emotionalist about this (if that's even a word). I don't want to offend people with the feeling that they are doing something wrong by not adopting. That's not how I feel. I don't like how many view this as a Christian trend and I don't want to be categorized as such. Over the past 6 years, in particular, I have treasured the knowledge God has given me about my acceptance as His child based only on what He did for me, not what I can do. I don't want to be on the other side again, touting my Christian credentialing (you know, the outreach I've done, the mission trips, the Bible studies I've led, the number of people I've shared the gospel with). And yet, God does ask certain things of us. Adoption is a serious decision, it's not for everyone.

Our social worker really got me thinking about what she called a savior complex. Basically, she didn't want anyone pursuing adoption to "save" a child. To her, it should be more like- "we want kids, there are kids who need families, and this is how we want to grow our family." I definitely don't disagree, if you enter with some lofty pursuit of saving alone, and have no realistic consideration of the impact on you, the child, your family- you need to re-think your decision. And yet, after thinking and thinking this over, this savior "complex" is part of it for me, and I don't think this is wrong. God calls Christians to care for orphans. We do this because we were once orphans, fatherless. Everything we do is because our Father did it first. When we take part in His plan, we not only grow more in Him, we point others to Him. I am not THE Savior, but by taking part in His plan to save an orphan I can point that child to who really came after her. Unwittingly, the girl at the yard sale played a part in that plan by the few dollars she gave. Though I never got to share with her, I pray someday she knows there is a Father in pursuit of her. I pray these words are used to remind everyone of our own need, of the reality of the plight of those children growing up without families, and of those longing to know their Father in heaven.

(an article that stole all of my thoughts, but says it much better than I could:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/july/10.18.html?start=4)

Home Study

Did you hear that?
That's me exhaling because our home study is basically over! Last week Jason and I drove to Charleston for the 3 hour interview process then 2 days ago our sweet social worker drove here to conduct individual interviews of me and Jason and do a home safety check and meet our kiddos. For those of you who don't know, as I didn't just weeks ago, the home study actually consists of all these visits. I had already done research to know that to apply for any adoption grants you had to "have your first home study done." Then, when we applied and found out it requires four face-to-face visits with costs broken down over each visit, I thought only the first one was what was needed for grants. Couldn't have been more wrong!!! Those four visits (two of which can be done at one visit as we had this last week) comprise the whole of THE HOME STUDY. Of which, has to be formally written up by our social worker and four copies notarized for various places it has to be sent. If you're adding this up in your head, we have only had 3 visits, you are correct. The fourth visit will be when she gives us these notarized copies and fills us in on the post-placement visits. So weird that this part is done until we get our child home!

The time with our social worker was really good. She has been through this many times and is very helpful. I didn't realize it but went in to this thinking this was a "weeding out" process, they are trying to get rid of the weak ones! Yep, I am in the medical field! Once again, couldn't have been more wrong. She is an advocate for the child with no family. Like me, she wants to see these kids meet their forever families! She wants us to be ready, not scared. She wants to facilitate, not prevent. She's optimistic, not pessimistic. We talked about all the important stuff- we are now going to be a multi-racial family not to mention an adoptive family, wow. Jason and I had talked a lot about this, we are not naive. Yet, the more you talk it out, the more it sinks in, for real! She got to see our kids interact- they are the only thing "Beaver Cleaver-esque" about our family. I can say this because I don't believe I can take any credit- but, they get along fantastically, very minor frustrations and that is usually over Ruby hugging Linc too long! The social worker commented on how we should be aware that Ruby may have a hard time if our next child does not respond to her in the same way Lincoln clearly has! So true!

When asked, Ruby said she is "so excited" about getting a new sister. In fact, from that point on the answer to every question was "play with little sister"- what is your favorite activity? what do you like to do with your little brother? what do you like about preschool? Hilarious! Just like the little kids in Sunday School who answer Jesus to everything! With further prompting, she told the whole tale of liking to do puppet shows for Lincoln except he always tries to look behind the curtain!

The home safety check was not bad at all. I am not a big "cleaner," I do just enough to not be gross! Seriously, just being honest. Nope, don't move the furniture every time I vacuum, the tops of taller things don't get dusted very often, I don't sweep daily, I should but I don't. I even have people over at my house a couple times a week. Maybe that's why I have become less concerned about it, I just can't. I have two small kids who literally come behind me messing as I straighten, I work a couple days a week, and want my home to be open to whomever needs to stop by. I want to impress the social worker, sure, but I just could not bring myself to scrub down the house. Not to mention, she told me not to worry. Yes, I cleaned more than the usual, scrubbed the kitchen floor, organized the back laundry room, etc. I do like a good excuse to do all that stuff, plus it takes my mind off the many things flooding it over this adoption! So, at the end of the day, we have to put up a hand railing down the four back outside stairs, take pictures of the fire escape ladders and fire extinguisher we have on order, and other minor things. Really nothing unreasonable, which also was a surprise.

About a month and it should be final. That piece of the puzzle complete. Another step closer. I cannot believe it! Thanks for the prayers. For those of you who knew via facebook, our A/C broke the day before she was to come. I did not "warm" (get it? warm?) to the idea of deep cleaning in the hot house! But, by afternoon naps it was fixed and cooling down. Your prayers really protected my attitude, because I really didn't wig out, I was just glad it wasn't flooded or something else that would have made it difficult to check the house and thus prolong the process for weeks as Jason is gone next week then we are on vacation the next. So, thank you! And now, more paperwork for the dossier and start work on grant applications- keep the prayers coming!

Fight

The past couple of weeks have shown little action in the actual work of our adoption, but a lot of spiritual action. I think this is my new normal- lots of hands on labor either in paperwork, fundraising, or both- then waiting for replies, for money, for results of some kind. It is in that waiting that I feel the spiritual work being done. After the yard sale, there was this sense of accomplishment in checking off the first step- we sent in our first adoption agency fee with paperwork AND the application and check to the home study agency. Now this wasn't just any 'ole application- it included written biographies, medical exams, fingerprints, notarized letters from our employers, and many other documents. It felt a little more real that not only was this adoption thing really happening, but God indeed was providing, which is an encouragement that we had not heard His call wrong. I knew it would happen, I am not some amateur Christ-follower. I had been given grace to obey His call before. I knew the exhilaration of feeling the Spirit at work in life to guide you, strengthen you, and go before you. I hope and pray you, reader, know what I am talking about. The mountain peaks of your faith. But, I am not yet perfected, and the valley's follow. I knew this would happen, I anticipated it through prayer. Is it the "Opposer" of this faith or is it my own flesh? I think it is both. And, yet, I also think that this valley is also the Spirit at work. While we are promised great reward and pleasure in this Christian life, we are also promised the not-so-fun times. Philippians 1:29 tells us we have been "granted" our belief in Christ and our sufferings for His sake. Thankfully, He does not leave us as we are, He helps us to grow, to be sanctified. I also hope you all know this to be true as well. While I do not wish the valleys on anyone, I hope you know the growth towards our Savior that He accomplishes during these times. It was all the usual things, really..... looking at the next payments due; trying to be a mom, wife, friend, employee; a hole in the upholstery of our couch and knowing the money isn't there for a new one; car tune-ups; eye doctor visits, and on and on. The seemingly small things become overwhelming suddenly. You feel isolated. Then my sin causes me to question- Really? Why are we being called to this? We already have to ask for money for Jason's ministry and the economy is not great, God! Don't you see how much is on my plate. Then, the real kick-you-while-you-are-down maneuvers of the accuser start- you really stink at this Christian life. This is not really suffering, you aren't being threatened for your life. Do you really think you can mother one more child? Everyone else is doing way better than you.

It seems silly to write it all out, really silly, embarrassing actually. But, I need this to be out there. I need to be sure we are clear- God is accomplishing this call. I don't want to be a blog that portrays some sort of perfection. Adoption is His idea, not mine. He originated the concept, He originated the desire in me. I need for the picture of this journey to be all inclusive, honest. And He has chosen to include me. Me, the one with the struggles, sin, and need. I want this, I want this child so badly. I want what God has started to be finished, in me, in my family. He has promised to do just that, in fact, He did finish it in Jesus. He is loving, good, merciful. And He has strengthened me to fight. For, yes, this is a war. I may not be fighting real persecution, but I fight the ideals of the world around me, I fight my sin, I fight for the protection of the truth of the gospel in my life, in my children's lives. Satan does not want the fatherless to come home to THE Father. That includes me, my family, my daughter somewhere in Ethiopia, you. While we fight, there is rest, peace. He has overcome, won, and called us His.

Right now, my fight looks like this- continuing in the "mundane" callings of my life like laundry, changing diapers, fighting my impatience, and maybe even something crazy like going to a movie! I am enjoying my kids, trying to stay cool, and going to work two days a week. I am tackling the mountain of new paperwork- more on that thing called a dossier later. Jason and I go for our first home study in a week- only a 2 1/2- 3 hour interview ("that's what she said"- our social worker, I mean).

I hope you are encouraged to fight, too.

"be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might." Ephesians 6:10

Represent---- the t-shirts are here!

***Go to the end to see the winner as of July 4, 2010***
I have a box of these in my van (seemed like a safer place than on the floor somewhere in my house with two small kids!)

As you can see it, has a logo on the front left pocket side and the full one on the back. The graphic behind the logo in the back is the word "one" in many different languages. Though we are led to adopt from Ethiopia, there are orphans all around the world. Maybe someday we will be led or one of you may be led to bring them home. We wanted to "represent" them all!








There is a paypal button to the right, just click on your size and I will mail it to you, no shipping! Wear it and spread the word- I'd love to be able to mail them to strangers, that would be such an encouragement! And to that end, I've got a give away!!! I feel like such a blogging pro today with the paypal, the giveaway, WOW! Copy the link to this post on your blog, Facebook status, Twitter, etc. and for each place you "represent" I will enter your name in a drawing for a free t-shirt! The drawing will be held Friday, June 25, 2010. Let's get the word out and see if I can unload this box and put an order in for another one!

***Congrats to Mandy Balevic- your facebook status link to the t-shirts is appreciated! Hope you love your shirt***

Just Love coffee roasters

Now, on to another fundraiser (I promise I'll get info. on the t-shirts out this week, I just have to set up paypal, etc.).

When I was doing my research on Ethiopia I read that they are the home of coffee, and are still the number one coffee bean exporter in Africa! That got my head whirling with ideas for fundraisers. I knew I could not roast coffee....but, I found someone that does! This family has been in the coffee business and upon adopting their children from Ethiopia decided to support the farmers there and the families here trying to adopt. Here's their story, in their own words:

"Rob Webb knows coffee. When Rob was two years old, his father started Webb's Coffee Service, which blossomed into a full-blown refreshment service supplying businesses in Nashville, TN and the surrounding areas, and is now run by Rob.
Rob Webb knows the adoption process. In the summer of 2008, Rob and his wife Emily were called to adopt from Ethiopia. After much prayer and discussion with their first two children they started their adoption journey in August 2008. During the flurry of paperwork and preparation, Rob & Emily read books not only on adoption in general, but specifically on Ethiopia. Learning that Ethiopia is the birthplace of coffee caught Rob's attention, and after reading about the living conditions and wages of the average coffee farmer, he was compelled to take action. What developed through his reading and his trip to Ethiopia to unite with his daughters was a realization that he could combine his expertise and longstanding desire to roast his own coffees with his desire to help others. Just Love Coffee Roasters was born! Roasting Fair Trade Specialty coffees, Just Love uses proceeds to help an Ethiopian orphanage and families adopting not just from Ethiopia, but from anywhere in the world."

Do you love it or what?!? I recently got my order of "African skies" and it is DELISH! And of course, it is even more tasty knowing that it is not just getting my daughter home, but working towards getting Ethiopian farmers a fair wage! Maybe she comes from a farming family or community. I am totally into multi-tasking, and now my morning cup'o'coffee can do just that! I already got last month's check from them and even though it was only the proceeds from the one bag of coffee I ordered, it was $5!! And it was so easy to order, they can even set you up for monthly orders. Then, someday, when we are done with our fundraising you can continue to order from them in support of other families, adoption agencies, or the Webb family's work.

Without further ado, here' the link: https://www.justlovecoffee.com/thedriggersfamily

Yard Sale

Over ten people/families donated items to sell out our yard sale! Needless to say, we had a ton of stuff! As you can see, we didn't even have tables or time to display it all. And these pictures below are about two hours before a huge truck from Goodwill came to pick up a bunch of stuff- so, about 4 hours into the sale. Yep, we still had a lot to donate. So much that I was convinced to save some for another sale to happen at a later date- a much later date! A huge shout out to some peeps- the many guys that helped Friday night until the wee hours transporting stuff from my house, a friends' garage, and other locations to the building where I work (the location of the actual sale). They worked under high humidity as it had just rained an hour before they started (but it did not rain the day of the sale!!!). Then, they came at 5am to unload from the building onto the lawn!!! LOVE those guys! Some even stayed to "guard the money" and I got to overhear them tell customers that it was for us to bring home our daughter- still getting tears in my eyes! To the two women who came at 6am to help set up and spent a lot of time folding and sorting clothes- you are truly saints! The couple that came at 6am to watch our kids and wouldn't let us pay them- WOW! The people I work with who shared in my excitement and let me invade their space and came by to say Hi and buy things- I love ya! And to my church family, RUF students, and the others that donated items- you could have sold these things yourself and bought yourselves new things and I am eternally grateful because you helped my daughter get home. She will have a legacy of generosity and love.

Oh, so you want to know how much we raised?!? We prayed for a mere $1200 to cover the first home study and the Lord blessed us with almost $2100!!!!! That gets us through the first TWO home studies!!! God is generous, good, and is the only One who can do such amazing things!

Fundraiser #1- yard sale

Come rain, come shine this Saturday, June 5, 2010 we are having a yard sale. And the come rain part is not an invite, though it looks like it may be attending uninvited. Yep, I am STRESSED! But, I refuse to reschedule- for a number of reasons- I cannot live with all the stuff in my house. People have been very generous in their donations, so generous that it's taking up a lot of space in a house with small hands that like to get into everything! Also, I am just dying to get this fundraising underway and send off the money for our home study! Apparently the first weekend of the month is the best time to do a yard sale and not only is July too long to wait but it is a holiday and a wedding of some special peeps here! My heart races every time I hear the special music just before the weather forecast comes on the TV, but I can't look away. I guess I pray they are going to have some sort of a guarantee, some change. We have canopies, we can move indoors, and we can pray that the God who has provided thus far will do what only He can do and change the weather, bring the money, or both!

For those in town, it is not at my house as we don't have a garage or a lawn or decent parking- it is at the Douglas center on 10th Ave- where I work, if you didn't know. We have furniture and the usual stuff, lots of baby/kids' stuff. I will have baked goods and coffee (the coffee from Ethiopia I am also using for fundraising, more on that later), drinks, and hopefully THE t-shirt will be premiering! Pray it is ready by then! Ruby thinks that we are getting sister at the sale.... I continue to try and explain all this to her, but this 4 year old has never been to a yard sale or Ethiopia! I am delighted in her urgency, though. At a church picnic the other day she was playing with a little girl who is expecting a little brother or sister in a few months and I asked this sweet girl what she wanted. She was so endearing and said a sister, because she has 4 older brothers! Ruby chimed right in and said, "I have a sister in Ethiopia, and we have to go and get her!" She continually keeps me motivated and reminded that it is as simple as that!

Why the title?

I know the title of my blog seems pretty obvious- we are on the journey to make the world "minus one orphan." Yet, I thought I'd share with you some other numbers and how that led me to that title. As described in one of the entries previously, I have wanted to adopt for quite some time. When it came time to adopt we couldn't decide between Africa and China. In my quest to try and make a decision I thought I'd look up statistics on the number of orphans in each country. I don't remember them exactly, I'm not sure I even truly read the numbers- I just saw a lot of zeros and felt overwhelmed! During this time we had also tossed around the idea of adopting more than one child. I have always known it would be tough on me to leave any orphanage with children still needing homes. So these staggering numbers hit that much harder. But even 2, 3, or 300 kids out of an estimated 147 million orphans worldwide seems like not enough! Needless to say I walked away from that Google search without a country on my heart, but a burden I did not feel I could carry or make any sort of impact on. God did not give me a clear command of which country or how many children, but He did remind me that He gives great importance to one and to all the we do in His name. He pursues each of us individually, the one sheep that has gone astray. Through our simple acts, through our weakness He is glorified. In all that, my focus is to be on my one, triune God. He knows the need, more than I do. He knows each child, their needs, their deepest need.



Keeping this in mind, I have posted the "stats" in the margin. The numbers still break my heart, and I feel God uses the knowledge of the need to move His people. I don't like the use of guilt in the Christian culture so I am very guarded about what I post here. The love of God is what moves a Christian, to those who have been given much. I cannot earn this love by adopting, by praying, caring for orphans. I adopt because I have been adopted. He came after me and called me His daughter. That is why the numbers hurt, but by His grace that I was not an orphan in the earthly sense or the heavenly.

Luke 14:18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

It's Official

We got the call yesterday, "you have been accepted to the Ethiopia adoption program." Is it too cliche to say surreal? I know I'm going to be making a lot of comparison's to pregnancy, so I'm just going to embrace it and move forward. Here goes- it's that feeling of excitement mixed with what was I thinking? I am not in any way ready or equipped to do this, but I sure can't wait! In some ways this is better, because there's plenty to do right off (not to mention no morning sickness!). Our intake coordinator immediately gave us instructions for getting a home study and sent emails with agreements to sign. We also get a pastor's discount on all agency fees, awesome. And wouldn't you know- with the discount our first agency fee is $1125, just $25 more than our anonymous donation! God knew, He knows, He is actively involved! Thank you God for anonymous, for using them to bless us. They share a special part of bringing home Your child. I cannot believe IT IS OFFICIAL!

And the country is......

Reality hit hard after that last post. I knew going into this we did not have the money to finance the adoption. I had spent A LOT of time stalking people's blogs who were going through the adoption process and gleaning ideas for fundraising. I have had a drawer full of agency brochures delineating the costs of adoption from each country for years, even before Ruby was born. When we decided which agency we wanted to use, we then spent weeks re-reading and staring at the guidelines for the countries we were most interested in. I thought I had it covered. We just could not make a final decision on which country to pursue. The first time I had felt a tug at my heart about adoption was in junior high when I learned that Chinese law dictates that each family only have one child. Families favored having boys, so many baby girls were left in orphanages, or just left. In college my roommate went to China one summer and brought me back brochures from orphanages she visited in China and shared in my excitement to do this someday. So, we decided to go with what my heart first desired. However, wait time for a baby girl from China could be more than five years. After more time praying we decided to go with the waiting child program, which places infants with minor to severe health problems and only takes up to two years. We decided we would start with minor, correctable problems. In goes our application. The call comes in, "China requires a family to have a net worth of $80,000." How did I miss this? But there it was in my brochure, plain as day. The intake coordinator asked us to fill out a more detailed financial summary, including our monthly budget, all assets, life insurance, retirement, debt, etc. I told her we would do this but explained I KNEW we did not have a net worth totalling this much (or even close!). I was not devastated by this, knowing we had prayed that God would lead us to the country HE wanted. This was part of HIS leading. We filled out the financial paperwork and it was humbling to say the least. To be laid bare financially. To question if they would think we spend too much on groceries, or entertainment, or clothing. I wanted to be defensive of how we have struggled to get out of debt and the ways in which the Lord provided for this. I wanted to lay out the whole story of that house in Kansas we owned for six years and all the while not living in it and going through seminary and beyond. But I knew that this did not matter to the country of China and that our agency had caring people reviewing our finances, but who had a job to do. I reminded myself that it was to HIS glory that our finances did not look a whole lot worse. This brought out a part of me I hate, I like to have money in my savings, the false feeling of security, the sense that I am prepared. And in this adoption process I know I have none of this. I have researched ways to raise money, but I know that ultimately they could all fail and God could use other ways to bring this about. Needless to say, no, we did not qualify for China. I am still letting go of those images of my family that are not to be right now. Maybe someday. Maybe someone reading will take my dream as their own. I pray so.

The other country we were interested in was Rwanda. In college and after is when it first started to come out that there would be a whole generation of orphans in Africa due to the AIDS crisis. I read a book on this very issue and felt that God may lead me to those orphans someday. As it turns out, the Rwandan adoption program is new and they are not yet allowing any families with any history of medical problems (Jason has had a few random problems that are either gone or under control now). But, Ethiopia looked like a better fit. In order to move forward with an application with the Ethiopia program they now wanted us to lay out our plans to raise the money to pay for the adoption. Back to the doubting. We have to raise support for Jason's job with RUF and with the current economy this has been difficult lately. Was this good timing? Would we be stretching ourselves too thin? It became especially busy for us and we took the time to re-evaluate, have lots of long conversations and prayers. Wavering. But we just couldn't let go. The timing does NOT make sense. Finally, yesterday we just looked at each other and said, "we just need to go ahead." I emailed the ideas I had for fundraising. "God, if this is not Your timing, just stop them from approving us." That night our RUF intern stopped by and said she had been given a gift to give us, but we weren't allowed to ask who it was from. It was to go towards our adoption. She handed me the envelope and I opened it to find-

I have never seen 11 one hundred dollar bills outside of my job at a bank a long time ago! And someone, somewhere was giving them to me, to this adoption! Talk about timing! Now we just have to be accepted.....

Submit

It's done! With one click of the mouse over "Submit Application." Years of dreaming then waiting then planning then discussing then submitting? Sure the application's submitted, all it took was pressing the ebutton to do that. But I'm not sure I've quite grasped what I have actually submitted to. Not sure I can grasp it nor do I think I need to. I know that God opened my eyes at a very early age to see the plight of orphaned children around the world. I know that the instant I saw I dreamed what I might do someday. I know that he has taken that dream and matured it. I now know what it is to have children, the reality of that responsibility. I have done a TON of research on international adoption, so I know the reality of the financial cost and the emotional cost as we go through the many steps and the waiting. And I know that this will take a lot of patience, trust, and perseverance. But do I know just how much submitting I will have to do? God may have more in store than I could have ever researched. That's okay, I've been there before. Right now, I am EXCITED. I have those inner shakes, you know what I'm talking about. Sorta like when you've had too much caffeine, or are nervous, or just found out you're pregnant and you are filled with both excited anticipation and the "what-have-I-done" questions! I can't wait to continue this journey and share more, but as I have done on other big days and moments- I'm gonna take a deep breath and savor the excitement and pray for the absolute best!

(So this is what the kids did to "entertain themselves" while I spent toooooo long doing the application online, which got lost once so I had to re-do it. That's my leg in the pink pj pant in the bottom right corner and they are in between my chair and the wall, as wide a space as a desk drawer! Can't wait to fit another kid in!!!!)